inside my mind

inside my mind i am more that i am outside of it.

I'm BAAACCKK

Kinda, sorta, but not really.
I've not been writing much.
I've become obsessed with knitting. It's keeping me sane right now or perhaps adding to the insanity by misdirecting what I really should be doing.

Nothing lately

Not much going on in the way of poetry these days. Life has been too weird, I've been too weird.
And ANGRY. I'm angry at myself for letting me get back into a feeling I knew would only lead to heartbreak.

Search

I am a soul in search of myself. The more I search, the more lost I am.

Summer’s Light

As the cold leaves the season

And warmth comes back again

I long for the caring and security of your touch

When the winter rose and covered all

Your love left with the warm breezes, and I was alone

Ice and snow came all around

My heart was frozen still

Now the snow has melted

The ice is gone

But my heart is still so cold

Perhaps someday

A summer’s light will shine my way

My heart shall melt

And all that I have inside

Frozen so still will melt and pour into another’s warm day

HAUNTINGS PAST

HAUNTINGS FROM THE PAST CONTINUE TO PLAGUE MY MIND

HOW AM I EVER TO EXERCISE THE GHOST OF YOUR LOVE???????????????

THINGS GO ROUND IN MY MIND

THEY VERGE UPON THE NOTHING THAT YOU HAVE LEFT

THE LIFE AND HEART THAT YOU HAVE STOLEN FROM ME

THE SHINING STARS IN MY EYES ARE GONE

THE VOID IS GROWING INTO A DEEP CAVERN THAT THREATENS TO TAKE MY VERY SOUL WITH IT

I CLOSE MY EYES FOR NOW, YOUR FACE ENGULFS MY THOUGHTS

RELEASING THE DEMONS INSIDE WILL TAKE ITS TOLL.

The Path

It lies there
Unwalked
Thought about
Unknown
Rocky
Longed for
Endless
If I step onto and find it is no longer there
Where will I go from here

Not many words

I have not been writing much in the way of poetry.
Too many conflicting feelings going on and writing just brings on tears these days.
Go to my profile and check out my other blog to see what's up with me.

A song I wish I wrote.

This is not an origional work of course, but I so feel the words to this song.

EDITED

Lyrics for: It's Only Make Believe

My one and only prayer is that some day you care My hopes and my dreams come true My one and only you No one will ever know how much I love you so My only prayer will be someday you care for me But it's only make believe My hopes and my dreams come true My all my everything My heart I can't control You ruin my very soul My only prayer will be someday you care for me

AGAIN

WE WERE NEVER TO BE, IT HAPPENED SO FAST
FOR NONE TO SEE. YOU CAME AGAIN, BUT GONE FOR NOW
GROWING TIRED OF THIS ENDLESS FLIGHT.
YOU COME INTO MY MIND TO TORTURE THE PAST, BRING IT UP FROM THE DEPTHS OF DESPAIR. I LAY DOWN TO REST, YOUR FACE IN MY MIND.FADES AWAY FOR NOW, TILL IT ALL COMES ROUND AGAIN.

TIME AROUND AGAIN HAS COME BACK

Part 2 August 1998

This is a continuation of sorts to the "Dreams and Visions"

My mind grew tight like many times before
Springs tightly wound my thoughts into nothing.
Lights flashed into the void bringing light to areas not yet explored.
To be one as before, to live as one before.
It all comes back now.
The sadness, the heartache, the emptiness.
Falling into the void is not as I would have it,
But it happens, time and time again.
Long time since, hoped not to be anymore.

To be loved by you, touched by you.
Not long ago, seems like it never happened
But it did, spoiled my heart, tore my soul, ruined my mind
It came around again, these thoughts I have.
To be past, for it to be now, I dream of you in the hot summer nights, Rain comes, washes away the image. Sparks dance from the flames of my heart, never before, thought of it this way. To be caught round in a raging flame of doom.
IT GOES NOW, WORDS JUMBLE, MINDS CLOSE SHUT, THE HEART IS GONE.

Take a deep breath and cry the tears
Cleanse the soul of the pain
Clear the mind of the words
Retreat back into the shell that surrounds my world
Seal it tight, die inside

Dreams and Visions

Dreams and visions came through my mind Unto myself reality unfolded, all that was, all that is, of things that will never be
Parting between what has happened and not, it’s hard to see, it’s hard to feel
Come around again so once more we can be
If I fall inside, I will never be, if I go back in, I will not come out again, never to be found
To feel again, to see all that is, perhaps it is not all here
Com around again of dreams that be
The stars have evolved in my mind. I was part of that and many sounds
As the spiral wound, my mind grew tight
All of a sudden a burst of light
The spring was released and part flew out
Around again, my mind grew tight
To feel through one, be with another, come inside myself, I can evolve further
Again, once more I need to see, feel all there is and what is not
Next again, I’ll see the past, but farewell my love, nothing will last
To fall around and come out again
A sparkle, glimmer, twist of flame
Refraction’s in light around my mind
Triggered the spring, it wound tight
It comes around, past is now, that’s not mine, I’ve fell into yours
Space between those so close involved, visions collide like interchanging worlds
To me again, I’m so far away…to be where nowhere is
But that is everything.-- Huddled under a blanket, dark, a child is crying, one I lost
A flash was gone, the pain grew deep, lost the last of you, most of me
A breeze blew cold, the room was blue, ice has formed over again, no more like new
Inside again, it turns around the feeling now falling down
It does not end, the dragon flight
Arrived here, I see new light
A glare is here, shaded to there, clouds fly through molten air
Fire breaths, engulf, smoke
The flight has landed, inside they go
I come inside, things go dim, I fall into – come out again
Much is clear, more is gone
Some will glimpse through once more,
For now, I’ll wait and see
Until
Come around again
To find the rest of me

Somethings to start with.

As days go by, life slips on, through our fingers.
And we search ourselves for sanity and laughter.

Inside

I will use this blog to post some of my writings. Mostly poetry, mostly from heartaches. Some just random thoughts.